Slayer In Disguise
by Johnny Snowball
Summary: Buffy's 2nd secret agent mission takes an unexpected out of body turn when a team of mechanical heroes save her life. With a group of demon smugglers to stop, it looks like she will have to go after them in disguise. Scooby Gang … roll out!S.A.S Episode2
1. The Skamanian Snitch

The_** Secret Agent Slayer **_Series

**Episode 2**

Buffy's second outing as a Secret Agent Slayer takes an unexpected out-of-body turn when a team of mechanical heroes save her life. With a group of demon smugglers to stop, it looks like the Slayer will have to go after them in disguise. Scooby Gang … roll out!

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**- **_**Slayer in Disguise**_** -**

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_The Skamanian Snitch_ / 00**1**

Xander Harris left his room at the Castle Rock motel and closed the door. It had been a searing hot August day in Skamania County and now the night was warm with a welcome draft. He sidled along the paint-peeled boards of the porch and approached the blonde girl at the snack machine.

"Need some company tonight?" Xander asked as he leant on the vendor.

The girl picked out a pack of potato chips and a Hershey bar. "It could be dangerous," Buffy Summers replied. "Might even be a double-cross. That's why Giles is doing his thing."

"Yeah, Willow's sitting for Dawn and Giles is doing his thing. Just figured you could use a second man at the meet to watch your back. Ya know; better odds of spotting something suspicious."

"You could be right. Want a tasty treat?"

"Nah. I got noodle repeatage. And what they keep saying ain't good."

She smiled and took her change from the machine.

Xander looked out across the silent parking lot into the pitch black of the night. 30 metres away the road went off in either direction from the motel. The road was unlit save for the faint glow from the neon blue of the Castle Rock motel sign. To the left it headed to Olympia and Seattle and to the right it ran off towards Vancouver. Beyond it the sparse open fields lay in total darkness.

He looked back at his team mate. "So what's the secret plan, secret agent?"

"We meet the inside-man… inside-demon… at the mine at midnight."

"Okay, so the mine's at Ryderwood which is about thirty minutes away. We should probably head out at eleven twenty."

"Sounds perfectly planlike. Meet at the car at eleven fifteen. It might be safer if you drive anyway."

"Alrighty. Eleven fifteen. I guess I'll go see if Giles' finished his routine."

That meant Giles was either cutting his toenails, clipping his nasal hair or picking the wax from his ears. All the things Xander hated. Buffy guessed he'd come out into the night as an escape. She gave a knowing half-smile and Xander went back across the boards to room 3 and disappeared inside.

Buffy stopped to look out at the road that ran to the left. In just a couple of hours they'd be driving out on that highway on their fairly routine and not too exciting mission. But, for her, there was a sense that things might not work out so easily. She didn't trust snitches. Especially demon ones. She put it out of her mind and returned to room 21.

When Buffy came in and threw Dawn a snack, her young face lit up. "Mr. Goodbar? Mmm, salty sweetness."

"That's all until breakfast or it'll curdle in the night," Buffy said in her best mom-voice.

There were 3 beds in the room and Dawn had the middle one; sprawled out like a lazy leopard watching CSI on CBS. "Actually there's nothing wrong with eating late. And it won't make me gain weight. That's a myth. I know 'cos Jessica's mom said so."

"Jessica's mom flunked an interview at the Doublemeat Palace. You could write everything she knows on the back of a stamp." Buffy passed the chips to Willow who was working on her laptop and went to sit on the bed nearest the door. She planned to drink coffee and relax completely until it was time to get the motor running and head out on the highway.

Dawn had other plans. "Wanna play thumb-wars?" she said through a mouthful of chocolate and nuts, offering Buffy her wiggling fifth digit.

"Not just now."

"Uno? I brought the cards."

"No, Dawn. I have to prepare," she replied, just laying there. She couldn't even work up the motivation to get that coffee.

Dawn gave a sigh. Her sister was still in boring Secret Agent Slayer mode. "C'mon, Buffy, I'm bored. It's been a week and we haven't done anything fun yet."

"What about today? You went shopping with Willow, right?"

"Yeah."

"It was fun, right?"

"Yeah. But I thought we'd do stuff together. Sister stuff."

Buffy pushed herself up and swung her legs off the bed to sit. "And we will. Totally. I promise. Right after we find out where the bad guys are based and what route they're taking to Mexico we can make a call and this whole mission is out of our hands."

"Then we do the road trip thing?"

"Absolutely. It'll be like Thelma and Louise with five of us."

"And with a happy chocolate ice-cream ending." Dawn smiled with the anticipation.

Buffy crossed to the coffee machine, made her drink with lots of sugar, and went to play thumb-wars with her little sis.

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At 11:15 Buffy went out and met Giles and Xander at their rented Ford Windstar. It was a Sport minivan in crimson with blacked-out rear windows. Buffy dressed light with a thin jacket and Xander had his blue shirt and a sweater over his arm. Giles wore a black leotard. To be more accurate, it was a thin breathable body suit with removable hood. The hood hung down from the back of his neck and a sporran at his waist held his limited kit.

"Ready?" Buffy asked as she opened the passenger door. The men gave her the nod and she climbed in. "Let's roll out."

Xander took the pilot seat. "'Kay. But I should warn ya… I think I have gas."

"Perhaps you'll be all right alone," said Giles as he got in the back.

Buffy turned in her seat. "Oh, no. I'm not braving it alone with Xander's stinky noodles. You can open a window."

Giles did. They moved off and turned out of the motel lot onto the road and headed out on Interstate 5 – Pacific Highway North. It was a dark drive and the headlights showed the empty road with tufts of grass at the roadside and the swarms of tiny bugs that hung thick in the warm night air. Giles rolled his window up to keep them out and thought about their destination.

They'd received the new mission two weeks after arriving back from Japan. A big-time gangster of the demon variety was breeding ancient Komodo Demons. They bred them somewhere in Washington and planned to ship the millions of embryos – likely by road convoy – to Mexico where they would be raised and trained as an army that will one day be used to overthrow the government. If they succeeded, the States would one day become Demon Island. They'd flown in to Portland International and Giles had picked up the car. After a couple of days nosing around they'd drawn attention to themselves. Buffy cursed herself for being so sloppy but it was hard being a Slayer and a spy. It was practically a contradiction. A small team of demon assassins was sent after them at the Sheraton hotel in Vancouver. After a nasty fight the assassins were mostly assassinated. But one of them had squealed and promised to get them the location of the convoy meeting and the route to Mexico. If things went well tonight, they would be heading out on the open road first thing in the morning and the convoy would drive right into a Council-laid government trap at the border. They just needed things to go well tonight.

The Old Pacific Highway became the Jackson Highway and the distant lights of the nearest towns could be seen across the now moonlit open landscape. Buffy looked at the map on her knee and gave their position to Xander. He slowed the Windstar down and pulled over at the roadside. Giles was dropped off and they took off again up the Interstate.

Rupert watched them go and then left the road to walk across the countryside. He would cut across the last horseshoe of the drive with a mile trek through the open land and creeks to come up on the far side of the meeting point. It was his job, especially if this rendezvous was a set-up, to look out for enemy spies who may be watching Buffy and to try and tag their wheels with a homer. The moon shone brightly on the land he was crossing and Giles broke into a jog.

Xander motored along the roadway at a steady pace. Buffy sat beside him watching his familiar face and trying to imagine him as a married man. Xander the husband. He noticed her and she said, "Xander… I just want you to know…I'm really happy for you and Anya."

"I know. Thanks, Buff."

"Did you guys set a date yet?"

"Maybe next summer. We're thinking Hawaii. Did you know Hawaii's actually an American state?!"

"Um…I think I heard the rumour." _Wow_, she thought, _Hawaii_. "It sounds beautiful, romantic and perfect. Anya's a lucky ex-demon."

"I'm the lucky one. I still don't know what she sees in me."

"She sees Xander."

His lips curled up in a modest smile. "You're gonna be a bridesmaid, right?"

"Hello! I better be!"

He gave her a grin. "Hey, I was thinking, Dawn doesn't get out of Sunnydale much and seeing as we're taking a groovy Scooby road trip back home, maybe we should stop off at Frisco on the way. Catch the Golden Gate Bridge; do the tourist thing."

"You sound way too excited. Sure this is for Dawn?"

"Okay, _I_ don't get out of Sunnydale much. _We_ don't get out of Sunnydale much. And the last time I tried a cross-country tour… Well, this time it'll be better."

"I think it sounds great. We could go to a disco. A Frisco disco."

"Aah, yes, but choose the disco wisely, Miss Summers. I'm not doing the homo-erotic dance with a big bear on _this_ road trip." He suddenly tensed. He'd said too much and Buffy eyed him strangely. "Look," he pointed out the window, "there really is tumbleweed…"

She let it pass without a word. Xander's maiden road trip was probably better left a mystery.

Soon they could see the glow of the Cowlitz Loop up ahead and Xander checked for the road signs to Ryderwood. They'd reconnoitred this route before but not at night.

From the left lane a set of glowing headlights appeared from the Loop and came at them fast. In a second there came a great rumble as a massive Peterbilt 18-wheeler shot by in a blur of blue and red. Xander saw the distinct flame pattern pass his window then the grey box trailer it dragged behind. In a flash it was behind them and a Chevrolet Camaro followed it in a streak of yellow.

"That's the fourth time I've seen that big-rig in a week," said Xander. "Trucks are supposed to travel around not go up and down the same road. There was a yellow VW Beetle tailing it the other times though. I remember 'cos it was mega-conspicuous. This time it looked like a canary Camaro."

Buffy looked out through the rear window but only saw the red tail lights as they turned off the highway. "Maybe it's part of the demon convoy. They must be close by."

"They were heading back up the road there."

Buffy checked the road map. "This is the Castle Rock Truck Trail. They're turning up the 505 towards St. Helens."

Xander dwelled on the Peterbilt for a moment. "Imagine how many evil embryos you could fit in a trailer like that."

"We'll see what the snitch has to say and if it matches our hunch at least we know two of the transports to look out for."

Xander took them into the Cowlitz Loop and made a sharp left onto the 506. They passed over the narrow Lacamas Creek and through Vader before their final leg through Ryderwood and up into the mining hills beyond.

They followed a steep track into the hills and Xander parked on the first level ground they came to. They'd already planned the spot as the re-group location with Giles as they couldn't take the car any further. Xander stepped out and felt the air. He decided he didn't need the sweater and went to the trunk for the torch.

Buffy climbed out thankfully and shut the door. "You really weren't kidding about having gas, were you?"

"Yeah, sorry. It must be the spicy noodles." He shone the torch around.

"No more Chinese food for you on this trip. That looks like the trail up there." She pointed to the narrow beaten path leading through mossy grass and brambles and up to the top of the mound. Buffy checked for the knife in the back of her pants and they moved off with Xander lighting the way. At the crest they came to the highest flat where a rusted mine cart still stood on a section of rail track that once ran off down into the valley. Just beyond it was the last peak of the dirt hill where the opening to the mine lay in a frame of old thick timber. Where the soil of the hill ended and the mineshaft vanished began the hard rock of the small mount that had been plundered years before.

They couldn't see in the dark but they knew that, around them, other small hills of soil and dirty rock lay in the valley. Right then Giles was hopefully scaling one and watching their backs.

Xander scanned their surroundings with his torch. "Okay, so where's the snitch?"

"Psst."

They turned to the mineshaft.

"In here." It was the distinct voice of their demon snitch

They looked to each other in a shared gesture of 'let's do this' and walked into the tunnel.

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_**DISCLAIMER**_

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is a Registered Trademark of Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.

This is a non-profit unauthorised piece of tie-in fiction and was made for pleasure not for monetary gain.

PICTURES for this story can be viewed at MySpace. You can access this through my fanfiction homepage.


	2. Cross and Doublecross

**-** _**Slayer in Disguise**_ **-**

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_Cross and Double-cross_ / 00**2**

Giles reached a steep hill of sandy soil. He didn't use a torch but went by feel and the faint light of the moon that barely reached behind the mound. He found a rocky outcrop and climbed up slowly, careful not to make bad footing. In a couple of minutes he found the top. He went low and slithered over to the north edge to view the mine. He was just in time to see Xander pull the Windstar up to the top of the track. But something else caught his eye – something on a hillock between him and his team. So, they'd been right to be suspicious! On another mount, about level with his, Giles saw two figures and a parked black car. They had binoculars. They were watching Buffy.

The moon was mostly veiled by dull grey clouds in the Prussian sky but he could see that his hill was linked to theirs by a slope of earth. He pulled the hood over his head and reached into his sporran to put on the compact night goggles. Everything became green and clear.

His heart racing, Giles quickly and quietly edged sideways down the embankment to the trough of the hills and found a track that wound up around the mini mountain. There he saw the fresh tire marks of the demon car. He felt like a commando on a mission and it reminded him of the old days when he first trained with the Council. Not like the easy way it was done nowadays – the way it had been done with Buffy and the others, but the days when they would drop you in the middle of nowhere with no supplies and throw you an objective that seemed impossible. He pushed the thrill and reflection aside and moved on. He located a section of rocks and climbed them the rest of the way.

At the apex he stopped and checked the situation. He could see the two pairs of feet through the gap under the car. They were still looking away toward the mine in silence. He crept up behind the front offside wheel and reached up into the wheel arch with the homer. It clicked into place with the magnet and Giles bent low to peak out from under the fender. They didn't move.

Giles had a perfect chance for a surprise attack but he knew he couldn't interfere or it would defeat the object of tagging their wheels. He had to let them be and trust that Buffy and Xander could handle themselves whatever happened. He would go back down his own hill and double back onto the Ryderwood road to wait out of sight of these demon spies.

He turned away from the car and crept back to the edge of the mount. He found the top of his rock ladder and was about to descend when he heard a sound. Giles spun and saw the face of one of the demons grinning back at him. He felt a sudden rise of panic. Then the next thing Giles felt was a hard smash on the back of his head and a sense of flailing arms and tumbling over sharp rocks…

And then nothing.

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As Buffy and Xander looked into the shaft of the mine they discovered a filthy hole of dust and cobweb. It was a wide tunnel with remnants of track that reached well into the unseen depths of the small mountain. Close to the entrance there were two small crates. Their snitch was sat on one with a deck of cards laid out on the other beside a flask of what was probably goat bile, knowing his species. It looked like he'd been there for some time. For his part he was thin – gaunt to bone – and human-looking, most of the time. Though his skin looked ill for a man – a little too moist, pale, and slightly blue. He looked like a creepy half-frozen heliophobe. He looked nervous and he gestured for them to come in out of the open air.

"What's with the den of dankness?" Buffy asked suspiciously as she checked around. Xander examined the tunnel with his torch. They were alone.

The demon stood uneasily and moved away from his seat. "I had to meet you under cover in case they tailed me." He moved around them until his back was to the entrance.

Xander nailed him with the flashlight.

"You expecting company?" said Buffy in an accusing tone.

"What? N-no, no."

Her eyes were narrowed and she pushed, "This a booby trap, freako? Am I a boob?"

His hands went up. "Slayer, dude, chill out, man. I just had to be sure. Safe. I'm taking a big risk here. You showed me mercy. You didn't slay me and that's the only reason I'm here."

She glanced at Xander and stood down a touch, but now with the knife in her hand. "Fine. So start squealing like a pig before I carve you into rashers."

"Let's start with the demon convoy," Xander said. "Like: where they're leaving from."

The snitch nodded. "Okay, first thing, the convoy's a cover – a wassit – a red herring. The embryos are goin' to Mexico – you got that part right on – but they're goin' by Red Cross chopper from Vancouver General Hospital tonight." He was slowly inching back toward the exit. "This stuff's hot off the press. They just told us. The ball's rolling."

Buffy watched him. Could what he was saying be true? Had they been so wrong about the convoy? If so it was a perfectly laid diversion. But, if it was going down back in Vancouver where they started, why had this demon sent them up here to Skamania? That didn't make sense. Then she noticed something else about the snitch.

"Actually," she said, "I think 'balls' is what you're talking. And what's that on your belt?"

"This?" He looked to his belt and twisted the small rectangular device into the light. "Just a radio. I'm listening in to their frequency, ya know, just in case they planned to follow me." His eyes were wide and he moved a little more obviously to the opening.

Xander stepped closer to Buffy and kept him in the light. "Oh, yeah? So why's it set to send instead of receive? We're being played, Buff."

The demon turned on his heels and ran. Buffy hurled the knife through the mineshaft and it pierced him in the shoulder, knocking him to the floor. He gasped, spitting dirt and looked back at the Scoobs. Or so they thought. He was in fact looking fearfully at the two small crates. He turned back to the opening and desperately tried to crawl out from the mine.

A few feet from the exit, Buffy reached him, grabbed him roughly, and tossed him over onto his back. Xander appeared to beam the torch in his clammy face.

"You've been singing the wrong tune," Buffy stated. "Start singing the one I wanna hear or this little set-up is gonna _really_ blow up in your face."

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Up on their hill, the snitch's demon brothers watched the mine through their field glasses and listened in on the radio. The taller of the two, the one who had cracked the dark intruder over the head and sent him crashing down the hill, gave his mate a bash on the arm. It was the signal things had gone far enough. The short one brought a radio detonator from his jacket and hit the switch.

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One of the two small crates beeped loudly in the dark tunnel. Buffy and Xander spun their heads to the innocent boxes. Xander swore and grabbed her by the arm. The demon kicked out at her and she fell back onto her team mate as he made a dash for the exit. He was almost at the opening when the Scoobs gave chase.

Goddammit, Buffy thought as the three of them reached the frame of the opening.

Then came a loud pop and the inside of the mineshaft imploded bringing a ton of timber and soil down around them. In seconds, the Slayer, Xander, and their double-crossing mole were buried beneath a thick mass of dirt, wood and rock.

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The two observers were satisfied.

"What a _gold_ rush!" the tall one jibed. "The Slayer'll be a fossil by the time they dig her out of that heap."

The short one pocketed his switch. "Shame about Vince."

"Yeah," he replied indifferently.

They climbed back into their black sedan, circled around and motored off down the hill.

Finally, the Slayer was history. More than six feet under.


	3. The Body Snatchers

**-_ Slayer in Disguise _-**

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_The Body Snatchers_ / 00**3**

Tunnel. Demon, running, beep. Bang. Explosion. Collapse. Dirt, rock, wood. Breaking, crushing. Crunched.

Buffy felt consciousness creep in without feeling. There was sensation of some kind but nothing that registered warmth or pain. She knew she couldn't move. Was her body broken? Was she dead again? No. This felt different. Or didn't feel. Whatever. This was not death. Nor was it life. Just empty, deep blackness.

When she tried to open her eyes, vision came to her gradually. It wasn't normal. Not like the shutters of her eyelids were opening. Instead, vision returned gradually. Fading in with a digital blur to a grainy image. She saw a metal ceiling. Her vision didn't have colour as such but she knew it was orange. And she could see numbers. Numbers and words. They rolled with her eyes. She really couldn't move. What the hell was going on? What wasn't she feeling? Where? How? Who? What?

"Do not be alarmed, Miss Summers."

Her thoughts froze. The voice was male, strong, heavy and deep. It was the voice of authority. But it was also a voice filled with more soothing and warmth than she had ever heard. And the owner knew her name.

"You are safe," The voice promised. She believed it. It was a voice above and beyond reproach.

"Safe where?" She'd thought the words, set the brain patterns in motion to work the muscles that would form the sound and throw it out there. But it wasn't her voice that spoke. It was too precise, too old, too deep. Yet, it came from her. She wanted to try again but the calm and gentle tones of her captor, or saviour, or guardian, or whoever, came again from the edge of her awareness.

"You are in an interstellar craft called the Ark within the place you may know as Mount St. Helens."

What? And then something appeared over her – something at once hideously terrifying and yet unthreatening. It was mechanical. She saw horns like fierce blue antennae. A creased silver beard. And, in the centre, two glowing eyes of radiant baby blue. A face! It was a machine. A robot!

It spoke again with the most human voice she had ever known. "I… am Optimus Prime."

She couldn't function. She tried to move again – to find some space. To breathe. Then she felt – not felt – knew – that she was laying down on a hard surface with some kind of energy – magic? – keeping her down. The horned robot spoke again, away from her. They were not alone.

He said, "Release the magnetic restraints."

Buffy felt the pressure cease and the surface she was on began to tilt until she stood upright.

The robot stood before her, twice her size. His body a mess of silver, blue and red and formed with rings and springs and jagged shapes of colour with a sleek silver skeleton of pistons and hinged joints. He was a blur of metal mechanical parts. But those eyes shone with life.

"Welcome to our home," he offered with open arms. "How do you feel? Are you operational?"

She suddenly had the sense of being very tall herself. If a small chair nearby was something to go by, three times her normal height. And what did he mean… 'operational'?

He spoke again softly, yet still with that booming strong voice. "You are free to move. If you can."

Buffy sent out the message from her brain that told her shoulder to rotate on its axis and her elbow muscle to contract and bend her arm. She looked for her tiny pink hand… and saw five huge silver digits raise into view. She thought her mouth opened silently. She tried to make a fist and the metal hand obliged – the thumb and three fingers bending on their hinges.

The alien voice came from her again. "What did you do to me?" She scanned the room as panic rose from somewhere inside. From where? Circuits? Wiring? She wasn't a robot. She couldn't be a robot. It was so far from sane there wasn't even a good enough word for it. When she saw the others she didn't know whether to feel safer or more worried.

There were three more of the machines. A yellow plated one about her size, a green one with patterns in red and yellow – this one taller than her but not so big as the one with the soothing voice. And then there was the last one. It stood further back and looked as frightening as anything she'd ever seen. It had no colour like the others did, just silver with some small black mechanical parts. The body was gigantic. It was just higher than the one that had spoken to her and wider by double. Built like a tank with huge plates of gleaming silver metal about its thick surface. A giant. But the 'face' was the most disturbing feature, however. It was anatomically small for the huge body and surrounded by more massive plates. Small and square with tiny disturbing 'eyes' spread wide apart. It's 'cheeks' were formed by a series of rings and small tooth-like parts made a horrible fixed sneer on a face with a chin of sharp spikes like a fierce beard. She cringed at the sight of it. Then it spoke in a harsh heavy tone.

"Buffy…it's me. Xander."

The Slayer felt the onset of an overload threaten to take her. She looked back down at her own slim silver form and imagined a zillion wires short circuiting in her unbelievable new body. She looked back at the giant one. "Xander?"

It made an effort to shrug. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure."

"Prove it." She didn't quite know what she expected as a response but she said the words anyway.

It scratched at its head. "Um… well… I think that noodle problem's cleared up. Not that it'd be a problem now… I haven't found a nose among all this gear yet."

My God, she thought. "Xander…"

His eyes seemed to glow brighter with relief. "It's alright, don't panic. Believe me, I tried it. It didn't change much."

Optimus Prime put one hand onto the shoulder of the scared girl and waved his other at his companions one by one. "This is Bumblebee, my trusted scout. And this is our medical technician, Ratchet."

The yellow one and the taller green one, she noted. She figured the tall red and blue one was the leader.

Prime explained, "We were nearby when we heard the explosion in the hills. We doubled-back and rescued you from the wreckage of the mine. Your bodies were badly damaged."

There was some relief in that, and Buffy asked her first question again. "What did you do to us?"

Ratchet replied, "I'm afraid that's my fault, Miss. Not many people know about us here so our human friend, Sam, went to get medical help from your government as discreetly as possible. In the meantime, your brain functions were shutting down and taking the life from your bodies. I calculated that, if we could safely extract your mental facilities, we could suspend your bodies in stasis. Your shells can be brought back from stasis but your human brain functions are too delicate. The electrical impulses simply wouldn't work the same way again. I think the term you would use is 'fruit'."

Bumblebee gave him a slap across the arm. "It's vegetable, doofus."

"What on Earth is a doofus?"

"You didn't download those files I gave you?"

Ratchet waved him off. "I've been busy – constructing these generic Autobot shells." He looked at Buffy again. "One day we may need to activate more of us. Or perhaps one of us will require a similar procedure. Our brains are not flesh like yours but they do use similar electrical impulses."

"…Right," said Buffy. "So what you're saying in a very drawn-out way is that we're robots."

Ratchet nodded.

"What's an Autobot?" Xander asked.

"We are Autobots," said Prime, looking up at him, "from the planet Cybertron. Our vessel crashed here on Earth millions of years ago. In the impact we were neutralised by an electromagnetic discharge and our computer system – Teletraan One – was awakened in the volcanic eruption of your Earth year nineteen hundred and eighty."

Xander was watching them. Something was strangely familiar. The leader was plated in areas of blue and red. Some parts blue with red flame. Just like the Peterbilt big-rig they'd seen. And he had glass plates for breasts. No… it couldn't. He looked closer. The flame-painted leader had wheels on his thighs, and the yellow one – Bumblebee – had them on his shoulders and ankles. Then there were the bull-bars and lights across the green one's chest. It was true! These robots, he thought, they're more than meets the eye.

"You guys can transform." Xander pointed to Prime. "You're the big-rig I keep seeing. And you… you're a Camaro, right? How long have you been a Camaro?"

Bumblebee checked out his new threads. "Just a couple of days. The Beetle was losing its charm."

"I thought Sam asked you to be something cooler," said Ratchet.

Buffy was getting the picture. "You keep driving around here? What do you know about demon smuggling?"

"This term is unfamiliar to us," Prime responded.

Ratchet explained, "We were collecting parts for our Autobot shells from the steel works in Vader. We have only constructed three so far. Yours is the newest."

Buffy managed a couple of shaky steps. "I can't believe this."

There was a silent pause until Prime spoke. "Bumblebee, Ratchet, come. We should give them space." He turned to Buffy. "We'll find out how Sam is doing and monitor the condition of your human shells." Prime moved out.

"Guys, don't worry too much," Bumblebee offered. "We'll try and get you back to normal but, even so, being an Autobot really isn't all that bad." He gave them a thumbs-up and followed his leader out.

Ratchet – now Buffy saw the clear red zigzags and yellow 'Fire' symbol that indicated he was a Fire Depo search and rescue vehicle – began to head out with his mechanical chums. He stopped. "Oh…you can alter your vocal patterns to match your human voices more closely if you like. It's all in the operating system in the bottom left of your optical feed, under 'system settings' and 'vocal settings'." He gave them a wave and went out the room.

The massive door slid shut and the Robo-Scoobs were alone.

----------

In the corridor, the Autobots stopped for a moment before going to their tasks.

"You didn't tell them about their companion," said Ratchet.

Prime considered that. "They've been through a great trauma, Ratchet. Perhaps they don't know the other was with them. We should give them time to adjust before we tell them we were unable to save his shell."

----------

Buffy rested against the wall and slid down onto her ass. It was a reflex human action. She lifted the two metal hands before her face and examined them woefully.

Xander began making strange sounds across the room as he ran through the vocal range he was capable of. After some potentially ear-splitting notes he came to rest on a voice that sounded almost exactly as his real voice had, but with a slight electronic hum to it.

Buffy saw the menu of text on the 'screen' of her vision. It was like Microsoft Windows for the wireless robot. She went into System Settings and Vocal Settings and began playing with the toggles.

A few minutes later and she finally had something about her that was familiar. Some semblance of her identity was back with her. She put her head back against the wall and looked at her friend. How had things come to this? "Do you remember what happened?"

"You mean the mine of death? Yeah. I can still feel the crunch."

She went back to watching her new hands moving. "What are we gonna do, Xander? I mean…look at us!"

"What we're _not_ gonna do is lose it, okay? We could be dead. We're not. That's a good thing."

"Yeah. You're right. But… we're not human."

"True. But we live to fight another day. The next time a mineshaft drops on our heads we won't be so easily squished. And, at least the others are safe."

"Oh, my God, Giles!" Buffy stood up and looked into the eyes of the robot almost 3 times her size. "If he saw…he'll think we're dead! We've gotta get back to the motel! We have to tell them what happened!"

"How're we gonna do that? We're in a spaceship that's been swallowed by a volcano… and we look a tad conspicuous. And shouldn't we wait to be fixed?"

"I don't care. I'm not staying here. I can't let Dawn think I'm dead. Not again. It'd kill her."

Xander couldn't argue with that. Dawn didn't deserve that pain all over again. "All right. We should get to them. How d'ya plan to break out?"

"We'll wing it. C'mon." She stopped him before they started. There was something that worried her about letting her little sister see her this way. "Xander…tell me…what do I look like?"

He lifted his bulky forearm, giving her a polished reflective surface to look at. Having seen his features, she was afraid to look at her own. But she did, and was much relieved. Expecting something hideous, she found a perfect oval head with huge, cute, glowing emerald eyes set almost on the sides of her head. This was made up of a silver dome skull on top and below the eyes, a single-piece section without nose or mouth. It had a 'Spider-Man' quality to it. It could have been far worse, she decided. Looking at Xander, she was glad not to have landed in his shoes. Or pistons.

They managed to slip through the corridors of the spacecraft unseen and find the exit. There they came to a rock tunnel that led them up and out of the mountain.

Mount St. Helens was bathed in moonlight when they came out into the night. The vast National Monument State Park spread out for acres before them. Somewhere close-by their powerful audio sensors picked up the traffic from the 504 leading back to Castle Rock.

"I feel kinda bad about skippin' like this," said Xander. "The big-rig guy – what was his name? Octopus Mime?"

Buffy would have frowned if she could. Xander could be so comically dense at times. "Optimal Prune," she corrected.

"Well, the prune-truck guy… he was nice. I feel bad about throwin' that in his face."

"I know. We'll make it up to him later big-time. I promise."

He nodded awkwardly. "'Kay, let's get outta here."

* * *

(This is based mostly on seeing the Transformers live-action movie. Because my story takes place in 2002, before the movie timeline, I have combined it with elements I remember from the original cartoon. So, it's a mish-mash, but visually based on the movie.)

Transformers are my creation. I invented it and all characters are mine. Just kidding.

Transformers is copyright blaa blaa Hasbro blaa blaa Paramount Pictures and Dreamworks. Nothing to do with me.


	4. The Scoobots Escape To Castle Rock Motel

**-_ Slayer in Disguise _-**

_The Scoobots Escape To Castle Rock Motel_ / 00**4**

The motel room was silent. Giles paced the floor with an ice pack against his head. Willow sat on her bed holding Dawn. They were worried. There was no word from Buffy and Xander, no sign, and things didn't look good.

Giles had come around at the base of the hill with a raging migraine and immediately vomited the nausea out of his system. He knew he'd been clubbed and thrown to his death and that, somehow, he had survived with minor injuries. He'd stumbled back to the car and found the mine collapsed, but there had been no sign of the others. He'd waited as long as he dared with his throbbing bonce and finally driven carefully back alone.

"How's your brain doin'?" Willow asked him.

He stopped pacing and considered the question. "Better. Now it only hurts on the even numbered seconds."

There came a heavy knock on the door.

He shot to it and practically ripped it out of the frame. "Buff–?" His mouth fell open.

Willow saw his frozen expression. She let Dawn go. "Who is it?"

He pushed the door closed as casually as he dared and leant against it. "Nothing. No one. Wrong number."

Dawn walked to the window and spread the curtains apart. And then she screamed a piercing wail.

Willow gasped. In the frame of the window was the huge glowing eye of some giant robot. It tapped a huge finger on the window and made strange noises at them. Giles grabbed the girls and moved them to the rear wall. Suddenly the door snapped open, splintering the frame, and a second giant eye looked in.

Dawn wailed. "What are they? What do they want?"

Giles held the girls back and kept his body before them. "Willow? Is there anything you can do?"

"I can try something," she replied, bringing her hands up to perform a protection spell.

The robot in the window seemed to put its hands up in defence and Willow halted the spell. It wasn't like they were tearing the walls out to get in. Which was nice as the security deposit had been extortionately high.

The machine with its tilty head in the doorframe sounded off more vocal noise in their direction. "Tak ta-taak tak. Muka muka tak tak. Wrrrrrr. Wu tak dak."

What was wrong with them, Xander wondered. Surely their friends could recognise their voices. Unless…

He went into his System Settings again and quickly realised what the problem was. "Buffy, They can't understand us. We're not speaking English."

"Huh?"

"We're speaking in robotanese or somethin'. Check your language settings."

Giles was watching the shrieking exchange between the two monstrous machines. He picked up the nearest bedside table lamp and was about to go forth and stick it in the closest glowing eye when one of them – the one in the doorway – spoke suddenly in English.

"Giles. Chill out before you burst a brain-vein," said Xander.

Rupert's lips curled back. "Ahh!" he yelped and crashed backwards.

Buffy lifted a metal finger to her would-be mouth. "Shh, Giles. It's us."

"B-Buffy?! Xander?! W-what on earth…?"

"Not 'what on earth', Giles," said the Xanderbot. "What on _Cybertron_."

They explained their situation quickly – the snitch, the lie, the bomb, the cave-in, and the Autobots. It took some believing but the two robots before them were real enough. They moved on and Giles explained how things were with the mission. He told them about his knock on the head and roll down the hill and that Willow had the location of the tagged car on her laptop. The computer was connected to a series of shared satellites and gave them the location of the vehicle, anywhere in the world, to within 3 or 4 metres. The car was now stationary and not too far from the mine in Ryderwood.

Buffybot hushed them suddenly. "There's someone coming!"

"Quick, Buffy," Xander whispered, "pretend you're a tree." He put his clunky legs together and formed branches with his arms to make a giant silver tree that looked remarkably like a giant robot with a screw loose.

Buffy pinned herself against the motel and hoped for the best. They were as good as caught.

The door to room 28 was locked shut and a middle-aged woman in a flower dress walked morosely across the open lot and into a parked Buick. The car lit up, started, and wheeled out onto the open road, disappearing south.

Buffy relaxed. "A tree?"

Xander dropped his branches. "It worked."

Giles came out into the open with the girls. The Buffybot was three times his size, and the Xander one; that was more than twice that. Even given the odd situation, he tried to steer them back to the important mission. "Somehow we need to make a visual confirmation of the convoy and, if possible, learn their route so we can pass the information on to Station X."

Buffy rubbed her silver dome. "How can we possibly go in unseen? And they're not about to tell _us_ the route."

"They won't recognise Giles," Xander suggested. "His face was covered tonight. Or Willow.

"Someone needs to stay here at the command centre and watch the homer signal," Will said.

"I could go."

Buffy looked down at Dawn who was only as tall as her 'knee'. She bent at the leg joints. "I don't want you getting involved."

"I know. But I can do it. Giles can't go alone. Please. I'll be _really_ careful and _totally_ sneaky. I can be stealthy. You have no idea the things I've gotten away with that you'll never even know about." She grinned.

"There is one problem," Giles interrupted. "They might know the rental car from tonight."

"We need new wheels," agreed Buffy.

Xander had a sudden epiphany and thanked the Autobots for his new super-fast thinking ability. "I have an idea."

Buffy regarded him. There was a new gleam in his eyes. And then she realised. Of course! "I think we're on the same wavelength."

Giles puzzled. "What is it?"


	5. Xanderbot's Master Plan

**- _Slayer in Disguise_ -**

----------

_Xanderbot's Master Plan_ / 00**5**

Interstate 5 leaving Castle Rock was thankfully busy. Cars, trucks and cycles rumbled along under a steel walk bridge where an unusual duo watched them passing below with their mechanical arms resting on the rail.

"I wonder how robots bathe," Buffy mused absently.

Xander was sifting through his operating menu trying to figure out how to initiate the transform function. Buffy was watching the flying traffic for anything that caught her eye when she heard the sound of shifting machinery behind her. The Scoobots turned to see Bumblebee standing on the bridge.

"Prime asked me to come find you," he said. "You should come back with me to the Ark. I know it's difficult but you really must put your lives to one side for a day or so until we can repair you."

"Look," replied Buffy, "I work for a secret organisation that protects the world from… dangerous creatures. A group is transporting super-demon embryos to Mexico tonight. If they get there they'll be reared as an army that'll one day overthrow the government. We have to find out where the convoy is leaving from and what route they're taking so we can alert the authorities. They have to be intercepted before they hit the border. We _can't_ go with you. Not tonight. Maybe later?"

The Autobot mulled it over, not sure whether to believe her interesting statement. "I can't let you wander around looking like… well… like alien robots," he insisted. "We are trying to remain discreet."

"We're secret agents," said Xander. "We're trained to be discreet."

It was obvious he wasn't getting through to them and they were insistent on staying out in the open. It looked like there was only one strategy he could pursue. Bumblebee admitted defeat and walked away from the bridge leaving them to their 'top secret mission'.

Buffy went back to the traffic. That had been easier than expected.

"Hey, Buffy," Xander, even as a machine, sounded a little sad. "You think Anya'll still marry a robo-Xander?"

She looked again at his ugly mug of a face. "Former demon marries giant robot. I think it'll be the wedding of…of ever. You'll get a million for the photos alone."

His square head dropped and his eyes darkened.

Buffy mentally kicked herself in the butt for making jokes. "If they fix our bodies we'll never have to find out."

"If they don't?"

Buffy looked out across the busy road to dodge the question. She pointed. "What about a BMW?"

Xander stood tall suddenly. He'd found it! He told her to look under 'MODE'. He was now seeing three further options: Generic mode, Transform mode, and Weapons mode. Weapons mode? He peeked. "Geez, Buff. I've got missiles! And… some kind of pulse cannon!"

Buffy went into the Weapons file and the next thing she knew, her right arm had reconfigured into an energy blaster. Xander put his plated arms up to hide his face and Buffy quickly pointed it to the sky in case it went off. Seconds later, she managed to get back to Generic mode. "Whoa."

Xander put his arms down. "We need more time to figure ourselves out."

She went back to the rail. "We just don't _have_ time. We gotta figure this transforming thing out."

Xander went into the 'Transform mode' option and wondered which option to take from there. He came across 'Initiate scan'. What the hell, he thought, and chose the option.

Buffy jumped aside as a sudden beam of light shot out of Xander's chest into the road below and then Xander went crazy. His entire metal body contorted, twisted, came apart and shifted about with a cacophony of whirring joints and grinding gears until, after a good 10 seconds of his gyrating body-pop, the whirligig came to a close and Xander settled.

Buffy was amazed. They really could transform! Into whatever they chose! Even into… oh dear. "Um…Xander…you're a garbage truck."

He scanned himself and, sure enough, he was a front loader with rear internal compacting crusher. A damn dirty trash wagon. He had to change back – find a better disguise. He tried to transform. "I…I think I'm stuck."

The garbage truck sat motionless on the bridge and despised itself.

Buffy didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Stinky noodles would be the least of his worries if anyone decided to take him on the morning rounds! She said nothing. She searched the traffic below with her super robo-vision. She looked as far off as possible so she wouldn't miss with her aim. A few seconds later she saw a set of distinct headlights coming out of the night. By the time the pink blur was at the bridge she had every feature of the car mapped out and it was perfect.

Xander watched Buffy's scanner fire a beam into the low road. He was astounded to see the process that took her slender silver frame and rubix-twisted it into a sleek, gleaming pink Porsche convertible, modified with a seriously pimped custom body kit. "Buffy, that's amazing!" He desperately tried to transform back. He had to get away from the crap wagon and find a Hummer or something even more wicked. He tried and tried, then tried some more.

Buffy shifted again and stood before him. Her silver dome head was now shining pink, as was the plating around her arms and legs. Her forearms were now the doors of the car with the skirts forming pointed horns at her elbows. She had a pair of wheels on her hips and at her heels and the vehicles' rear spoiler now formed wings behind her shoulders. The front and hood of the car had configured themselves as her upper body.

"Nice headlights, Buff."

She looked down at the glowing lamps on her new pink breasts. "You think it's too late to get a car bra?"

"Dammit. I _am_ stuck."

"We're out of time, Xander. …Sorry."

"Uh-huh," he surrendered. It was hopeless.

"Okay, let's roll." Buffy transformed and the pink Porsche and green garbage truck motored away from the bridge onto the Interstate toward Castle Rock.

* * *

(In my profile you can follow the link to My Space where I have some rough pictures to show how I imagine the Scoobots to look. Hope they can help.)

The title of this chapter, to any big Transformer fans, is a tribute to the feature-length cartoon episode 'Megatron's Master Plan'.


	6. The Convoy

**- _Slayer in Disguise_ -**

----------

_The Convoy_ / 00**6**

Thirty minutes later and the Scoobs were driving by Ryderwood again to an isolated place called Wildwood where Willow had tracked the tagged demon car. Giles was sitting in the green and white cab of Xander's mostly dark green dustbin wagon. Dawn, trying to look older than she was, sat in the driving seat of her sister pretending to steer with the night air rushing over her.

"Buffy… you're a car. A Porsche!" The young Summers was ecstatic with glee. "Can you stay like this? Please? I promise to be good. This is _so_ cool! My sister's a Porsche. Boys are gonna love this. And I don't even have to learn how to drive!"

Buffy spoke through the car radio, "Shh. And no, I'm not staying like this."

Dawn grumbled.

"Lionheart to Pink Slayer." It was Xander on their private frequency. "We're coming up on the homer – 500 metres."

"I've got a satellite image of the site," said Willow over their speakers. "It's an old coal processing plant. Looks like there's a guardhouse at the main gate."

"And I'll bet it's occupied," Xander guessed. Giles concurred and Xander went on, "Maybe Pink Slayer should go in first. She's kinda small for a mass smuggle but when they see big old spacious me rolling up behind it with all my cargo-carrying power it might take some attention off."

"Sounds good," Buffy acknowledged. They agreed the plan and signed off.

Buffy sped into the lead as they ran along the quiet dark road in the open plains.

"Dawn, just in case Xander's not as impressive as he thinks, maybe it'd be an idea for you to distract the guard. It shouldn't be too hard, you're a Summers girl after all…so…smile a lot and flutter your eyes."

"Okay."

Dawn sounded far too casual and Buffy had to impress upon her exactly what she needed. "I know it's a little strange, but this is really important, and there's a certain art to…um…teasing men that–"

"Buffy, I got it. Relax. I'm all over it."

"…You are?"

"Sure. You just keep your lamps on the road and make me look good."

Buffy gunned it into the sticks and hoped a few bugs would find their way over her windscreen and into Dawn's smug face.

Xander jerked off the road and bounced after them with Giles trying to keep his head from whacking the roof of the cab.

"Next time you might consider a four-by-four," Giles moaned as the left wheels cut over a boulder and slammed him against the ceiling. "Look out for the rocks there. Keep to the left–" The cab lurched and rumbled along. "We're loosing her, Xander, put some gas into it."

"Hey! Enough with the driver's seat driving!"

They rolled along the valley of a canyon and up into the hills.

"Almost there," Willow reported on the Porsche radio.

Dawn checked the rear view. There was no sign of the Xander truck.

The soil turned to gravelled shale as they left the track and reached the top of Wildwood Canyon. At the crest they saw a small crouched figure – a lookout – watching for anyone who wasn't welcome.

They were caught immediately in the floodlight from the gatehouse and the pink Porsche came to a stop as a black silhouette approached them from the light of the hut. When the glare of Buffy's headlamps caught him, they saw a demon dressed in a glowing orange high-visibility jacket. Within seconds, Buffy had recorded his features and sent them to Willow's laptop to be matched against their demon library. Dawn pulled her top low to show her cleavage and put her hands through her soft brown hair to add a bit of wild volume.

Willow came back with a whisper. "Arachna Demon. Oral venom and claws."

"Shh, he's here," said Dawn, trying not to move her lips.

The demon stepped up to Dawn's side of the open-top car and narrowed both pairs of eyes. He had no skin but a black exoskeleton with thick dark body hairs and 4 eyes set wide apart.

"Hi there." Dawn smiled and fluttered her eyelashes.

"What are you doin' so far outta town?" His mouth was full of sharp meat-eating teeth and his breath was pungent to the point of being offensive.

Dawn kept smiling and tried to sound confident. "Cargo. I heard there's green to be had."

A second demon – like the one that had double-crossed them in the mine – moved passed them and watched them curiously.

"Payment's on delivery and according to quantity." The Arachna Demon checked the car out and didn't look impressed. "Flashy wheels, but you're not gonna get much in that pointless hunk o' tin."

The cars' engine seemed to grumble a little deeper for a moment.

Dawn flipped her hair back and gave him a pout. "I love your jacket. It's sooo hot. Like you're on fire. I'm on fire here myself. Men in uniform drive me wild."

He put his clawed hands on her door and leaned in close. "Yeah? You should see me without it, sweetheart."

"Really? I bet you've got abs like a stiff washboard."

He flashed his dirty brown fangs. "Only one way to know how stiff I am, babycake."

Provocatively, Dawn put a finger between the teeth of a coy smile. She could see the demon beginning to melt.

The Spice Girls suddenly erupted from Buffy's radio: '_Stop right now, thank you very much_–'

Dawn switched it off. "Ha. Radio. Broken."

And then came the creaky tones of The Police: '_You don't have to put on the red light. Roxanne_–'

Dawn switched it off again. "It's always doing that. It's so annoying. Kinda reminds me of my big sister."

A rumble crawled up behind them followed by the hiss of air brakes. It was Giles and Xander.

The demon's companion called out to him. "Let 'em through! Let's get this big bitch loaded up!"

"Right." He turned to Dawn. "I'll catch you on the way out, cutie," he said, and waved them on.

Buffy moved forward beyond the floodlight and saw a chain-link fence surrounding the site with a wide double gate – one half open.

Buffy spoke again in a whispered narked shout. "Where did you learn that? I know it wasn't from me!"

"How much am I a kick-ass spy?" Dawn replied smartly.

Her sister wasn't moved. "How much are we going to have a talk later. Girl to car."

The gravel crunched under Buffy's wheels as they motored steadily into the busy facility.

To the distant left stood the structure of the coal processing plant. An old decrepit factory of rusted sheets and weathered brick, of half fallen towers, broken conveyors and smashed glass. At the nearside base was a warehouse section that was the only lit part of the entire facility. Buffy was guided to the back of a small line of larger vehicles and the hiss of Xander's brakes was comforting as he pulled up behind her. Ahead of them were a dozen other trucks and minivans all waiting to enter the warehouse building through an open cargo door in the front. As the Scoobs watched, it seemed the vehicles were being filled with their cargo inside before coming out through a second loading bay at the east side of the low structure. From there they were lined up in rows on the right side of the site to form the inevitable convoy. The evil operation suddenly seemed much bigger to Buffy as she was faced with it. She wished the old guy Whistler could see just how organised the demon world could be when they put their minds to it. She could now feel Dawn shaking slightly in her seat and wondered, in the midst of an enemy fleet, what had possessed her to let Dawn come in on this mission.

----------

The guard at the gatehouse received a sudden influx of large vehicles and he quickly waved them all right through. Between a pair of removal trucks, a sleek yellow Camaro with racing stripes slipped through unchecked. In the driver's seat, a hologram concealed the true nature of the small mechanical spy.

----------

"What's the plan, gang?"

Buffy was glad to hear Xander's voice. It got her back on track. "The most important thing is not to blow our cover," she replied positively. "Then we need to be sure about the cargo and find out the route to Mexico."

"I suggest we proceed as if we were genuine smugglers," Giles said. "We go inside, take the cargo, giving us the perfect opportunity to positively identify its nature, and join the waiting convoy until such a time as their plans are unveiled."

The vehicles ahead moved a few metres forward.

"Then that's what we'll do," Buffy agreed and rolled up to the parcel van in front.

Xander didn't get chance to move. The guards outside shouted out before thunder hit the gates.

An awesome machine – a giant 200 tonne Liebherr monster dump truck with a 300 tonne carrying capacity – ploughed through the chain fence, crushing a station wagon into a metal pancake, and burst onto the site. It stopped and the massive diesel engine shook the ground.

The attention of everyone was drawn to the extreme-sized white mining truck. 9 metres wide, 14 metres long, and almost 14 metres high, the wheels themselves – 2 front and 4 back – stood nearly 3 times the height of a man. On the front of it a metal staircase led up to a high platform where a small cab unit sat. The cab was empty.

From the warehouse, two demons came running out with radios to investigate the sudden disruption.

Xander, in all his awe at the sight of the largest vehicle he'd ever seen on wheels, noticed something about the giant machine. Some kind of power emission – like the readings he got from Buffy – also came from this intruder. They received another surprise as Bumblebee rolled up beside them in his Camaro form.

"Looks like your other friend had the same idea as you," said the Autobot.

"Other friend?" Buffy said aloud. "We're all here already."

"He's not with you?" Xander put to him with a hint of panic. Up until that point in his life, Xander would never have imagined a car could become tense. But he saw clearly now that the Camaro stood up an inch higher and the wheels dug into the stone carpet beneath them.

"That's no Autobot," warned Bumblebee.

Buffy's tyres turned in preparation. "Then who…"

"Hey," Xander called. "Whoever it is…if we can see it, it can see us."

-

The demon gang leader, with hands on head, regarded the huge truck furiously.

"Wow, boss." His minion looked on with wide eyes. "We could send these other guys home. That thing could take the whole cargo."

"Don't be a cretin, Dwayne. That thing shouldn't even be on the road. The cops'll be all over it before it gets out of Washington."

-

The Scoobs watched as the machine turned on its enormous wheels, came around, and hit them with its beams.

-

The demon leader ran forward, waving at the high cab. "Hey, what the hell are you doing?! Are you insane?! Get that thing out of he–"

The great white body of the vehicle lifted from the wheels and opened up as the behemoth transformed before their eyes. The massive front grill divided and was absorbed into the writhing tangle of moving parts. Everything caved in on itself and came out as something different. Parts of the machinery formed joints and came together around the thick tyres.

The whole thing raised up onto its rear 4 tyres and the front ones moved up into the chest. 2 giant wheels now became the lower half of each leg, one above the other, jointed like a bird or dinosaur. Cables stretched out to form tendons across the shoulder where the vehicles' hydraulic lifting pistons appeared and pointed to the moon. Parts swung over the shoulders to encase the 2 giant wheels forming breast plates. Engine cylinders gave bulk to the abdomen and the dumper hold split apart into pointed fans that opened like wings and settled behind the massive monster. Small parts came up from the body and reconfigured to form a small horned head with glowing red eyes. Tiny sharp pieces settled under the things' silver mask simulating a maw of shark teeth. The arms and legs were spread wide from the boxy body and each arm was almost hidden by a terrible array of weaponry.

The whole complex process that converted a frightening dump truck into a massive terrifying robot took 30 agonising seconds. Lights at the base of the neck and abdomen of the gargantuan mechanoid lit up with blinding white fire and came back to focus on the 3 robots in disguise.

The Porsches' driver door popped open. "Dawn… get out. Run."

The horned giant pointed its huge cannons their way.

Buffy's door slammed shut. "On second thoughts, hold on!" She tore out of the line-up as a shocking energy blast put a crater in her space. She wondered what the hell was going on as she raced up the line with her little sister hanging on for dear life. More fire rang out and cars exploded around them.

Xander reversed quickly and tried again to transform. He stopped when his rear hit the fence.

Bumblebee also regrouped and spun away from the centre of danger.

Xander's brakes sounded again. "Giles, I'm gonna try to change."

With that, the man jumped down from the cab and took cover behind the bright Camaro.

----------

In the quiet motel room, the audio and visual feeds from her two robotic team members made dazzling viewing on Willow's computer. Buffy was racing through fire but it was Xander's struggle that struck her. He was cursing his disability.

"Hang in there, Xander…" She laid her palms on the keyboard and reached across the divide to explore his faulty system.

"What are you doing?"

Her eyes were closed. "Just gonna give you a proverbial kick in the tyre."

----------

Xander felt her magic fingers flicking through his computerised mind for a few tingly moments. Then, finally, it happened.

His bulky green arms came from underneath and raised his cab. The doors fell back and the entire cab front slipped down between the arms and became his chest. Now his tiny head was free and he brought himself up on both 3-toed feet. His front wheels and arches shifted to his shoulders and the front loading prongs came up over them to form the bones of bat wings. His compactor came apart and repositioned into a spine and back where the rest of his rear garbage container seemed to grow bored of the transformation and simply bunched together in a jigsaw puzzle of misshapen panels on his back.

He turned to see the giant firing across at Buffy with a super machine gun loaded on his right arm. It was instinct, but he had a damn good idea who it was now. Xander broke into a sprint with amazing speed for a bulky robot. As he reached the monster truck side-on, he saw it tower over him by double.

Xander's metal feet left the ground and he scrambled up the wheels of the nearest leg. When he reached the waistline, he initiated Weapons Mode and fired a torrent of bullets into the enemy's gut.

-

The firing had stopped and Buffy skidded to a halt behind the burning row of vehicles waiting to enter the warehouse. Xander was trying to fight the attacker. What a mess this simple job had become! She opened her door again for Dawn. "Now. Go."

Her sister ran from her without delay and Buffy wheel-span away again.

-

Demons and criminals were fleeing the site in a panic and Giles moved across the cratered smoking site to reach Dawn. If there was one thing he planned to do, it was keep her safe.

-

Xander felt the crushing force of the giant's fist slam into his back and his aim went skyward. The creature plucked him off his body with both hands and raised him 60 metres into the air… and hurled him across the yard until he pounded into the gravel and clay. Xander rolled around and awkwardly managed to regain his feet. That had been interesting, he thought.

"Hey," Xander called, "watch the paint-job."

The monster brought his huge energy cannon to bear on him and it erupted with a glowing force-blast. Xander lifted from the ground and went crashing into the processing plant where he tumbled through breaking metal and brick until he came to an almighty stop on the concrete floor of the warehouse.

-

Bumblebee transformed and took up firing position behind a small van. The giant ignored his stinging shots and aimed solely for the pink convertible.

-

An explosion in the dirt beneath her hood sent Buffy sailing skyward and she changed and landed running on her feet. She joined the Autobot under cover. Luckily, the enemy didn't have the best aim and his next shots fired wide and over them.

Buffy looked across to the wrecked building but didn't see Xander. "Who is this crazy freak?" she muttered.

Bumblebee fired an orange blast that knocked its head back and stunned it for a moment.

Xander's voice came then from the hidden speakers within Buffy. "It's the demon! The one from the mine. They must have done the same thing to him."

Buffy gave the yellow alien a side-on glare. "You made our enemy a robot?!"

Bumblebee shrugged. "We thought he was your friend."

"No," Xander replied, "it's an evil demon!"

"Not anymore," the Autobot considered. "Now it's a Demonicon."

Buffy shook her head. Perfect. After all her previous threats she was little more than a bug to this monstrous demon now. She looked around the site for Dawn but all she saw to her left was the burning remains of the trucks there. A thought struck her and she looked across to the right where the loaded convoy waited. She gave the Camarobot a nudge and pointed a metal digit to the rows of parked vehicles. "Hey, use those for cover – if he blows 'em up he'll be doing us a favour."

Then the Demonicon regained his senses and blew the van out from before them. The pair fell back in the blast.

"Hold on," said Xander. "I'm gonna do some damage."

They watched as the warehouse suddenly erupted.

Xander aimed both of his pulse weapons to the floor and blasted off. When his body left the building he fired all his missiles back into it and the spectacular explosion propelled him through the night sky.

The entire plant and all the demon spawn within was blown back to hell as Xander came down onto the Demonicon with a flying steel elbow.

The demon stepped back as Xander hit the floor and it tried to flatten him under the hulking wheel of its foot. He fired his cannon and the base of the tyre burned away. The demonbot reeled and staggered on its damaged heel. By the time Xander was up on his feet again, the demon had shifted the two wheels and the broken one moved up under its first leg joint and the good one came down between its toes. The Scoobot quickly aimed but the demon leapt into him and smashed him between both open palms before kicking him skyward like a football. In mid-flight he felt the lash of a cannon and his pulverised body dropped to the earth.

Buffy ran with Bumblebee into the convoy and ducked behind the vehicles there. Her plan worked as they soon drew the monster's fire. She knew it was after her and her alone so she let Bumbles fire his blasts as she manoeuvred through the rows of trucks. As hoped, the demon sent shockwave after shockwave in her wake. The vehicles and their cargo went up in smoke one by one.

-

At the west side of the plant Giles found a relatively unscathed sedan, which he recognised as his tagged car, and he got Dawn inside. He climbed in, put her in reverse, and pulled back to the far fence out of harms way. From there they watched the terrible assault to the east. Moments later, Xander came crashing down a few metres from their left in a tangled heap.

-

The ringleader of this whole messed-up operation came from hiding with one last desperate plea to the towering beast of metal that had ruined his dream. It was out of desperation when he saw the convoy being blow apart that he ran to the giant waving his arms. There was no fear in his voice. "You're destroying the embryos you fool!"

The Demonicon stopped firing and lowered its beaming red eyes to the tiny figure at its feet. He recognised his boss but now saw only a pathetic little flesh creature. "I don't care about your stupid scheme! I am a God and I'm here for the Slayer!" He leaned down with one sweeping gesture and batted the dwarf demon away.

-

Like a dart on wheels, the yellow Camaro raced around to the rear of the Demonicon and became Bumblebee. Kneeling in a firing position with cannon braced on his free arm, The Autobot sent a perfectly aimed shot into the lowest joint of the giant's right leg. The metal buckled and it dropped with a tremor to its knees.

Bumblebee took aim again but the beast turned and gave him a slice of the same in return. The blue fire pounded the Autobot in the base of the neck. The force of the impact was so great it tossed him over the high fence where his flailing body vanished into the abyss of Wildwood Canyon.

-

Xanderbot was moving and grumbling when Giles and Dawn saw the yellow robot disappear down the hillside. Buffy was still out of sight and the enemy robot was slightly crippled.

"Go find him, Giles," Xander mumbled as he tried to get up. His parts were a jumble but he insisted they try to help their new friend.

Dawn was all for it and she physically yanked Giles away. The thought of anyone on their side falling all the way down that canyon scared the hell out of her. The two jumped in the sedan and sped out of the broken gate and down the dirt track.

Xander couldn't stand. He wasn't even sure where his legs were. He was also pretty sure his weapons were fried. When he did manage to pull himself together, it was in the form of an extremely battered garbage truck with 2 snapped loading forks. He decided to do all he could – ram the son of a demon bitch. When he put himself in gear and moved off, the squealing of his warped gears made it clear a sneak attack was hopeless. Out of interest, he tried reverse and it worked. It wasn't the best way to go but it was the quietest. He lined his rear with the kneeling Demonicon… and he set off toward it at full speed, which wasn't much.

-

Buffy surveyed the flaming remains of the convoy with pleasure. That was that dealt with. Now for the big beasty. She ducked low when she saw it scanning for her. It was side-on to her and she crawled around toward its back. Then she saw Xander's slow secret suicide attack and the strangest thought suddenly hit her as she pictured him exploding on impact…

She would miss his stinky noodle gas. She shook her head – he wasn't gonna die. Not on this–

She stopped. Gas!

Buffy ran out behind the demon as it tried to rise up on the good leg. She removed the gas cap at her navel and leapt up onto its massive back. It bucked and rolled as she clambered up to the back of the neck, leaking her gasoline fluid over its surface. She activated her automatic weapon and fired everything she had into the piping and mechanics there.

The demon's fist came from nowhere and pounded into her head. She fell and took the full impact of a back-hander that flew her across the yard.

When she hit, spitting gravel around her, and rolled onto her chest, she saw Xander almost at the target. Then the demon saw him, turned to him, and brought both deadly cannons in line with his crumpled green rear.

Her shoulder-mounted rocket was away before she even knew she had one. The missile hit the demon in its chrome-plated ass and the gas blew. The demon, with arms up and unprepared, fell forward uncontrollably with the explosion.

Xander sensed the enemy toppling as he came up to it and he reconfigured his ass end as best he could, pulling the sides of the truck away from the mechanism inside.

The head of the Demonicon crashed into Xander's open compactor and it immediately felt the crushing device clamp down.

"Time to take out the trash," said Xander and fired up his hydraulics. A powerful metal curtain reached over the Demonicon's head and yanked it forward deep into the crusher and the pipes and bracing severed from the giant body. Moments later, the perfect cube of compacted demon robot head was spat out like an unwanted fish bone.

Buffy got up and, again out of human reflex, rested her hands on her knees to catch her breath. She waited but the breath never came. She was a robot. Buffy was looking at her mechanical hands again when Xander's shrieking gears woke her up.

One of his front wheels was rolling in an uneven circle, giving the whole truck a drunken limp.

"Oh, Xander… you look…"

"Like a piece of modern art?" He stopped beside her and his air brakes engaged with a sound more like a fart than a hiss. "You don't look too bad. How do you _do_ that?"

She checked her surface over. "Damn. He crunched my fender."

"I think I'm a write-off," he admitted. "Also, I think I'm stuck again. Something jammed up."

"We'll get you to a garage." Buffy patted his roof. "I'm thirsty. Where's the nearest gas station?"

"You think the alien robots are gonna be pissed we broke one of their new bodies?"

She considered it. "Oh, yeah. Big time. But good work though."

"Thanks. I can't wait for Travers to read Giles' report on this."

A minute later and the dirty scuffed pink Porsche left the levelled smoking processing plant to check on their Autobot friend, followed slowly by a creaking, squeaking, bouncing, bashed-up trash wagon.

----------

At the base of the valley they found Giles and Dawn with the crippled Bumblebee. Giles was wielding a large wrench from the trunk of the sedan. The Autobot had a severed pipe in the throat, which was now tied off thanks to Dawn's awesome knotting skills. He seemed to be stable for the time being and Buffy hefted him into Xander's container.

When she turned back into her car form, with the human pair sat inside, they geared up and rolled home to the Ark.

* * *

(You may have noticed the word 'convoy' a lot in this story. That's just my homage to Optimus Prime who, in the Japanese version, is called Convoy.) 


	7. The Epilogue

**- _Slayer in Disguise_ -**

----------

_The Road Trip To Recovery_ / 00**7**

Two days had passed. Alone on a small outcrop of rock at the base of Mount St. Helens, Buffy Summers watched the morning sun breaking out over the distant horizon. Her glowing green optical sensors measured temperatures, distances and energy spikes in the gleaming solar disc. For the first time in her life she could stare at the sun without fear of damaging her sight, but it wasn't how she'd expected. It lacked something real.

On the night of the big fight they'd arrived back expecting a less than enthusiastic welcome but had instead been rushed to the Ark's Med-Lab for repairs. She would never forget the sensation of having her fender hammered and magnetised back into shape or the sight of the sparking and bubbling as her knee had been welded. Ratchet had spent most of his time working on Bumblebee who, it turned out, had the equivalent of a severed artery. They were told he was only alive because his fluid leak had been stopped quickly by Giles and Dawn.

Yet, after one of the freakiest nights of her life, Buffy had been witness to something far freakier than being a robot. As Xander and Bumblebee underwent robo-surgery, Buffy had been shown to another lab where surgery was taking place on her own human body. And she'd watched. Just before their return to the Ark, the Autobot's human friend had returned with a military medical team who had begun operating on the Scoob's broken bodies. Almost 10 hours later they were done. Technically brain-dead, their bodies were on life-support severely injured yet stable. The military doctor advised them to wait a few days until the most painful part of the healing process was over before trying the return body-swap. The fear of great pain and being bed-ridden had given her and Xander enough reason to reluctantly agree. And there was another body – the demon from the mine – whose mind would never have the chance to return. So his corpse was thankfully incinerated. Giles and Dawn had been invited by Optimus Prime and Sam to stay with them at the Ark and they'd packed up their belongings and left the motel with Willow.

Buffy again found herself examining the shell of the robot she was held within. For two days she and Xander had been living, confined to the volcano, trapped in bot form. They'd talked a lot together and had both agreed that pain, no matter how severe, would almost be a welcome effect of being human again. Mostly they were concerned, afraid, that the process may in fact not work a second time. Their nerves and patience were beginning to fray as they became more desperate to know if they would ever be themselves again.

Optimus Prime came out into the dawn from the tunnel in the mount and watched the girl for a while. She was examining herself again as he had seen many times over the two days. He chose not to disturb her and waited until she finally turned and spotted him there. She seemed low as she came down to the dusty ground and met him.

"I find your planet's star a constant source of interest," Prime said conversationally, "Cybertron was a dark world, not without great beauty, but nothing compared to the beauty of a burning star rising in the morning sky." Buffy didn't look so enthused. "You don't find it so?"

"Not today," she replied apologetically. "It doesn't have the same radiance. It doesn't have the life through these eyes." And then she told him their decision. They didn't want to wait anymore. They wanted to be flesh.

Prime nodded slowly. He expected so. "Ratchet is ready for you."

----------

Buffy went first to test it out. She sprawled her mechanical frame on the huge metal slab beside the gurney where her true body lay. She was linked to herself through cybernetic head attachments and Ratchet initiated the transfer of mental impulses. Moments later, she was taken off life-support and they waited. Xander was there. Behind him stood an anxious Dawn with Giles and Willow. The military Med-team were on hand.

Buffy didn't breathe. Seconds passed. Ratchet leaned over her and raised an optic shield thoughtfully.

Xanderbot approached Buffy's body slowly with deep concern. If it didn't work, she was dead. If it didn't work, he was a robot! He looked down at her fragile figure and reached out a hand big enough to crush her and pulled it back.

Buffy gasped suddenly, opened her eyes… and screamed her lungs out.

Ratchet spun to the human doctor. "More drugs, Doc!"

"Put me back!" Buffy cried out. "Put me back! Put me back!"

The medical team wheeled her out quickly to the temporary infirmary to load her with morphine.

As she disappeared screaming out the room with Dawn racing after, Xander saw his own gurney coming in.

"You're up next," said Ratchet with renewed confidence.

Xander examined his bruised and broken human shell and shrunk into himself. "Um… I think I'll wait for the morphine."

----------

The next day and the day after were a hazy dream for the two crushed Scoobies. Bed-ridden and between bouts of painful sleep and drug induced delirium, they recalled a visit from some kind of presidential representative. A man named Tom Banachek, always in black with a dark hairy upper lip – Xander called him the Mystery Moustache. (He was from a secret section of the U.S. government – a liaison officer between the President, Department of Defence and the NBE's – the Autobots).

"It seems your employers have a lot of influence," he had said to them. "We've been told to extend you the best medical treatment available." He'd said other things that had become a blur. It was clear he didn't quite know who they were or why they were important enough to receive such special attention, nor how they were involved with the secret aliens. The main aim of his visit had been to pass on a message. "It's my understanding that you were involved in an operation here in Washington State. That operation, I am to inform you, is now concluded satisfactorily." He read from a sheet without knowing the meaning of his words. "The hazardous cargo and enemy target is neutralised. The 'code' is now green."

They never saw him again after that.

As they healed, Dawn spent her time mostly drag racing with Bumblebee and a huge weapon of a robot named Ironhide. Willow worked with Ratchet in his lab, learning amazing things about the spark matrix that gave them life. Giles spent his time working – writing up his report, wondering how the stuffy Head of X, Quentin Travers, would take it. Another explosive climax to a simple mission. With giant alien robots.

On the third day, still sore and bruised and broken in places, Buffy and Xander decided _to hell with it_ and discharged themselves. With the pain now manageable without being doped up, Xander was fitted with a flattering neck brace and supporting bandages for his joints and Buffy, already healing well, had a clean pot for her broken left arm.

On the fourth day, the sun rose again to bring its light to the arrowhead of Mount St. Helens, and Buffy watched. She held her hands over her green human eyes as the burning orange orb raised lazily over the line of the far away horizon.

Prime tried to approach quietly but his weight gave him away.

"The sunrise… it looks different through these eyes," she said, continuing their previous conversation.

Prime sat on the rock mound with his arms hanging over his knees. "I have often wondered how humans experience everyday sensations."

"You should try a body-swap sometime."

"I'm sure that would be interesting. But perhaps not entirely wise."

She smiled and regarded him. In his casual resting pose he looked remarkably human. In a way, she felt, having experienced their world, he _was_ human. Just in a metal skin.

Optimus dropped his glowing gaze on her. "We are indebted to you and your team, Buffy. You saved Bumblebee's life."

"Don't mention it."

"I only mention it now," he added, "because last time I tried to thank you…you were a little delirious. You told me to 'stick it up my tail pipe'."

"Oh…sorry. The drugs. Drugs are bad…" She blushed and quickly moved on. "Anyway, I guess we're even. You saved ours first."

"I'm glad the experiment worked."

She nodded agreeably and they watched the sun a while.

"Being a robot was… interesting," Buffy said. "For a day. It's not for me. I prefer being human. Something about the feelings and sensations is just… more real somehow. More rewarding. You know… I died a while back. My friends brought me back but, for a long while, I just wanted to be dead again. Now I'm realising how much of a gift it is to be alive."

"You are a very unique species," Prime said soulfully. "The thing that amazes me about the human race is your ability to learn. To take in incredible amounts of information and recall it so vividly with such flavour…and without even having a five million gigabyte processor."

"You have a five million gigabyte processor?"

"I don't like to brag."

She smiled. Then it faded. "I've never been very studious. Maybe my processor is faulty. Learning, school I mean, didn't really teach me anything to help me in my slay-heavy life."

"I was referring to your daily learning ability; as you were saying with your death experience." Buffy frowned and he explained, "Every encounter and experience in our lives has a purpose, Buffy. Every episode provides lessons that we can take forward into our future. Your memory gives you a uniquely rich and vivid teaching guide for your future. Also I think I'm beginning to babble. The others usually cut me off about here. Come, I believe your friends are almost ready to leave."

----------

The Autobots were gathered outside the entrance to the mountain and Prime joined them there. Buffy met Giles at the base of the rock. Their rented car was waiting with Willow and Xander and all their luggage piled around it.

"We should make California by evening with stops," said Giles. He looked to the car and bags. "Well, it looks like I'll be the fetch-and-carry man now."

"It's good to know that, when your friends are disabled, you're always keen to lend a hand," Buffy replied.

"As long as this doesn't mean I have to carry all your shopping."

Buffy looked across the Park to see the sun crawling into the sky. When she turned to Giles her tone was more serious. "Giles, you think every situation we go through teaches us something?"

"I suppose so. We can learn how to avoid mistakes or deal with their consequences for instance."

"What about beyond that? Did our mission here teach you anything for the future?"

"Um… next time I slink away from a pair of demons, do it backwards." Giles' joke was ill-timed, he noticed, and he asked the obvious next question, "What have _you_ taken from the mission? Your lesson?"

"I learned I need to be a better spy," she answered flatly.

"What happened in Vancouver was bad luck."

"No, Giles. It was more than that. We let those demons get the better of us. It should have got us killed. I'm used to walking right up to trouble about a minute after my reputation gets there and beating down the bad. The spy game's got a whole new rulebook. I don't think any of us took it seriously enough. We thought we were the Slay Team…but we've been Maxwell Smart all along."

Giles opened his mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything appropriate. He'd make it his job to work out a way of fixing the problem. Nothing needed to be said.

Buffy saw Dawn approaching the minivan with Sam Witwicky and she remembered she had a life to live. "C'mon, Giles. The open road awaits. Let the fun times roll."

----------

"Hey, thanks for convincing them to help my sister that night," Dawn said to Sam as they came up to the rental car. "She's a pain but…I'm glad she's alive."

"No worries," he replied happily. "I'll bill you later."

Giles and Will loaded their gear and he got into the driving seat as the others clambered in. Xander took shotgun position and the girls filled the back.

"Have a good road trip," Sam called out as he joined the Autobots. "Send us a postcard."

"What's your address here?" shouted Dawn.

Sam gave it a second's thought. "Maybe you should e-mail. Yeah. Don't send a card. If you do, don't start it 'Dear alien robots from Cybertron'."

Ironhide was watching with a pang of jealousy. He gave the Autobot next to him a nudge with his cannon. "A road trip sounds like fun, eh Bumblebee?"

"Everyone ready?" asked Giles. They all showed him the thumbs of victory and he gave the van a good starting. The starter ticked over… click click click. He gave it another go. Click click click click. Then it went silent. "This is unbelievable."

"I wonder how much a cab is to California," Xander pondered.

"About a gazillion dollars." Willow opened the door and got out.

Bumblebee shared a conspiratorial look with Ironhide. He stepped over to his leader like a soldier stepping forward for a mission. "Permission to take leave, sir."

Prime gave the car a sideways look as he considered. "Permission granted," he said at last.

Bumblebee ran to Ironhide with a high-five.

Ratchet was next to approach him. "Why don't you go along?"

Optimus shook his head. "There's work to be done here, my friend–"

"Humbug. You've been worried about the Decepticons showing up again and I keep telling you to unwind a little and explore. Now, as Chief Medical Officer, I prescribe a vacation, Prime."

"You're pulling rank on me, Ratchet?"

"You better believe it."

"Well, in that case…" Prime joined Bumblebee, Sam and Ironhide. "Autobots, transform and roll out!"

Ironhide threw a tiny object into Ratchet's hand, gave him a quick blink of his left optical sensor and performed a handstand spinning reconfiguration until the hulking form of a GMC Topkick rested in his place.

Ratchet glanced into his lime green and chrome hand. There, like a minute silver-white speck in his massive paw, was a spark plug from the rented Windstar. He shook his head.

Sam waved the Scoobs on as he jumped into the yellow Bumblebee Camaro. They quickly loaded the huge Topkick pick-up with their luggage and climbed up inside until Ironhide was full. The boys took the front.

Engines fired up and the flaming big-rig led the way out through the National Park toward the 503 and Interstate and off into the glowing sunrise.

Dawn, in the middle of the back 3 seats of the GMC, opened up a big sack of nachos and dug in heartily.

The radio suddenly came to life with Ironhide's deep strong voice. "Try not to get any crumbs on the upholstery, kid."

* * *

(This story is partially based on the cartoon Episode 'Autobot Spike'. The method of body swapping comes from this show.)**

* * *

**

**S**ecret **A**gent **S**layer will return… in:

_You Only Die Twice_


End file.
